Wheildon

our redhead, kate victoria, was a force to be reckoned with.  at an early age she was very fussy about what she wore and immovable when deciding on colour coordination.  she was not graceful in the least and stomped instead of walking.  a bad mood was easy to spot, because the stomping went from bad to worse and her scowl left no doubt as to her state of mind.  in addition, kate was exceptionally tactless and adopted the most wretched stance when confronted by someone she did not like.  she would glare, hands on hips, at any offending party and express her thoughts, whatever they might be, however hurtful.  ginny and i mastered the art of disappearing as fast as possible if kate got out of hand.  kindly folk gave up trying to win her over.  to most questions her answer was “no”, thus earning her the title of Dr. No.

one day, kate decided that the time had come to learn how to ride a bike.  not any bike, mind you, and certainly not a secondhand one.  so, on a trip to cape town, kate spied a pink two-wheeler with those little fly wheels at the back to support the rider.  she rode with reckless speed through the cottage and around our back stoep.  she was pretty terrifying really.  she seldom hit anything but, when she did, it was never her fault.  her joy was to terrorise our dogs, charging them whenever she got the chance.  they surrendered the stoep to kate and her bike, finding it much safer to sleep under a table or the old brass bed in our bedroom.

the fly wheels caused her some discomfort, and the day arrived when our daughter had had enough of the jeers and taunts of her peers.  she demanded the immediate removal of the fly wheels, and announced that she was ready for her first riding lesson.  after several 'jog alongs', i was instructed to let go of the saddle — and off went kate, in a vaguely straight line, squealing with delight at her achievement.  she discovered that stopping was a little problematical.  she learned that slowing down required a certain skill which, if not mastered swiftly, ended in a fall.  kate overcame the latter by leaping off just before the bike fell over, letting it suffer the consequences.

flushed with success, kate thought that it would be a good idea to record her latest accomplishment on video.

camera at the ready, the young lady made it plain that no mistake, accident or anything else showing her in an unfavourable light was to be filmed.  furthermore, if anything untoward was recorded, she personally would edit such material.

'stills', which ginny was to capture, were suggested for the family album.  then pedals were set in position for the first solo attempt on camera.  i did not miss any of this material.  it was hilarious.  the bike fell from side to side.  she tried everything, all the while shouting “camera on!” or “camera off!”  between these instructions, her temper and language broached uncharted territory.  passers by the market square stopped in amazement at the sight and sounds of our child trying to master the art of cycling.

eventually, once up and riding, kate began a lazy turn which would more or less take her through our neighbour's front door.  not wanting to be filmed in a bad light, kate yelled “switch it off!” and opted to take on anna's shrubbery.  bike and rider emerged, covered in lilac and smelling of lavender.  tears of frustration followed and the bike was given a severe beating for being so stupid and unresponsive.

nevertheless, it was not long before kate was tearing around the gravel roads of greyton.  generally the children were pretty safe.  most of them had no road sense at all, but never seemed to come to any harm.  so i was a little bewildered one afternoon when the police escorted kate home and threatened to issue her with a ticket for not having a licence and failing to stop at a stop street.

she defended herself with dignity.  it was the first inkling that law might indeed become her profession in later life.  she argued that she was little and had no money.  in any event it was a very small bicycle.  the donkey carts didn’t have licences, so why should she?  lastly, and by no means least, she had seen the policeman himself fail to stop at the stop street.

the man of law, sensing a minefield developing, took his leave with a caution to kate to obey the rules of the road.

quite a hoot, really.  i doubt that there was one citizen in history of the village who observed the letter of the law when it came to stop signs.

not long thereafter, the licensing of bikes was dropped.  probably because nobody bothered anyway.